How to Land the First Date
You're swiping through dating apps and matching with profiles that catch your eye. Then, your phone buzzes – you've got a match! Their profile lists qualities you really connect with. It's time to start chatting.
But you've been here before, and the results were mixed. So, how do you keep the conversation going and set up a date?
Using the "Three Questions and a Date" Method
After getting tired of endless chats that lead nowhere, I found the "three questions and a date" approach to be effective. This method helps keep the conversation lively and moves you toward a real meeting.
Start with Their Profile
Look for interesting details. Find something that stands out.
Ask a relevant question based on their interests:
Dancing
Hiking
Concerts
For example, you might say, “What kind of music do you enjoy dancing to?” This shows you're interested in them.
Keep the Conversation Going
Once they reply, acknowledge their answer. Then, ask a second question that aligns with their profile. For instance:
If they post pictures of skiing, you could ask:
“How long have you been skiing?”
“What’s your favorite place to ski?”
These questions help maintain the flow, so you don't have to wait awkwardly for their response.
Excitement with the Third Question
After your first two questions, the third message is where it gets fun. You're still asking a question, but this one is special.
If they mention liking trivia or karaoke, ask about it. Then, suggest meeting up. For example, say, “I see you like karaoke; how about we check it out together? Let's grab coffee first to see if we connect.”
The Hook
Most will agree to this quick meetup. This is also your chance to ask for their phone number and move off the app. (Except for Hinge, where numbers are usually exchanged after the first date.)
You could say, “Great! Send me your number, and we can set something up.”
Follow Up Smoothly
After getting their number, wait about an hour before reaching out. Be clear about your plans. For example:
“Hey, this is (your name) from Bumble (or Tinder/JDate/etc.). Want to meet on (day) at (specific time)?”
Choose a coffee shop or a similar spot that works for both of you. This way, if the meetup goes well, you can easily find another location.
Wrap-Up
Once you send this message, you’ll likely get a response, and you can set up your first date. Dating apps can feel endless, but using the "three questions and a date" strategy creates a clear path forward.
Remember, the goal is to meet in person and see if there’s a real connection. Even if every match doesn’t lead to a date, this approach can help you build confidence, connection, and momentum.