Going On Your First Date
Congratulations! You've turned your online chat into a real date. What’s next?
Arriving at the Venue
After you pick a venue and time through text, arrive 5-10 minutes early. This gives you time to settle in and find a good spot. A seat in the back corner can help reduce distractions and make it easier to chat. If you're unfamiliar with the place, check the menu and choose what you’d like to order.
Greeting Your Date
When your date arrives, ask if they’re a “hugging person.” If they are, give a light hug. If not, a warm handshake works too. This helps introduce some physical touch and lets you see how comfortable they are.
Getting Drinks
Once you're both settled, offer to get them a drink and wait for it to be ready. Generally, the person who asked for the date pays. Since it's a coffee shop, it should be affordable. Avoid ordering food. The goal is to start walking around the neighborhood in thirty minutes.
Starting the Conversation
The conversation will flow naturally. Good topics include:
Their job or school
Background
Interests
Other topics to include align with the FORD framework as a guide: Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.
Suggesting a Walk
After about thirty minutes, suggest a walk in the nearby neighborhood. This can help build a connection as well as give you more places to explore together. The more spots you visit, the longer the date feels, which helps you develop a connection.
Noticing Personal Space
As you walk, notice changes in personal space. Imagine you're walking side-by-side, and you lightly bump hands; it's a subtle sign of growing comfort. Also, pay attention to how they handle their hair, like moving it to the side. If they let you walk closer, it indicates their level of interest..
Gauging the Moment
Once you notice this connection, try pausing the walk and stepping closer while you chat to see how they respond. The goal is to gauge if a kiss might be possible.. This is a more advanced move, so only try it if you feel confident. If not, keep noticing those hand bumps and consider holding their hand if it continues.
It's okay if nothing physical happens; trying to pressure it can be offputting.
Scheduling a Second Date
Regardless of physicality during the walk, if you are comfortable, suggest scheduling a second date on your way back. Ideally, having a specific plan in mind can show your enthusiasm, but that’s optional.
Returning to the Venue
When you return to the original venue, look for signs of increased physicality. This is more likely if you had some hand bumps or a positive response to physical touch earlier. Again, don’t force it—just aim for a hug.
If you didn’t set up a second date while walking, offer to schedule it now. No worries if it doesn’t happen.
A Note on Finding the 'Spark'
It’s common for people to look for a 'spark' on a first date and decide against a second. We advise against this. Unless your date was completely unacceptable, like being overly vulgar, you might find that spark on a second date. First dates can be awkward due to nerves or uncertainty. You are more than welcome to text or call them later, if you decide to arrange a second date.
Remember, a first date isn’t an audition—it’s a conversation between two people seeing if curiosity might grow into connection. Focus less on fireworks and more on flow. If you felt comfortable, curious, or simply enjoyed their company, that’s worth exploring again. Chemistry often builds over time—so give it room to breathe and see where the next conversation takes you.